Do you notice that ever since you started representing yourself on that court case, your friends quit inviting you to dinner parties? Do you notice an increase in the frequency that your husband is nudging you and saying, “you didn’t hear a word I said?”

You may be a ruminating pro se litigant.

Here are a few things I do to stay present or monetize my ruminations.

1. Repeat my mantras. “Work, don’t worry.” “Write, don’t ruminate.”
2. Take a yoga break.
3. Take a poker break, playing on my phone for fake money. (I’m worth $7,400,000 on Poker bros and billions on Zynga, 1,000 times the free tokens they gave me for seed money.)

Basically, find your passion, other than justice, and practice. When you find yourself thinking about justice, don’t leave the words in your head and don’t burden your friends and loved ones with them. Honestly, I don’t want to listen to my husband, the love of my life, talk about which lures are best to catch Kentuckies when the wind is coming from the North-East, and he doesn’t want to hear the play by play when I hero fold a flopped boat 10s over queens and see the guy who rivered aces over queens beat the guy who flopped a set. There are probably few people who want to hear about diversity of jurisdiction or SCOTUS defeating the Chevron Doctrine, either.

Luckily, you found me. I want to hear about your pro se case. So, write about it and send me a guest post for this blog to Bohemian_books@yahoo.com. Include PDFs of filed documents. Share with people who care.

Or write your thoughts into a “notes” document on your computer, to help you write court documents quicker, when they are required.

Or, try to put an end to the litigation. Write a reasonable offer to your opposing counsel. I am not an attorney and cannot give you legal advice. But I can share samples of my own writings with you. Here is a settlement offer I wrote today.

Dear Frank Polek, Nicholas Labor, Corinne Bertsche, Daniel Forde, Daniel Agle, and Keith Cochran,

I hope I included all defendants’ counsel. If you notice any missing, please share this offer.

My intention is to refile an improved and supplemented complaint and immediately motion the court for leave to name the attorney defendants. All in the proper jurisdiction, of course.

On the chance that the Court of Appeals erroneously claims diversity jurisdiction exists, they should rule in my favor on a substantial number of the issues on appeal. If they do not, I intend to file petition for writ of cert to file a suit in the Supreme Court that addresses parallel issues in my case against Portfolio Recovery Associates, LLC. Further, I will attack enforcement proceedings on all judgments for costs and fees collaterally to the extent they are void. This includes judgments on derivative claims advocated by someone unauthorized to practice law or obtained from a court who was without jurisdiction.

I prefer to settle. The orders must be vacated. I will agree not to pursue any claims against any defendants with the exclusion of issues pertaining to my father’s irrevocable trust. The defendants must make the same agreement not to pursue any claims against me.

The defendants can decide amongst themselves and their insurance companies how much each shall contribute. I will receive a total of $218,000 from all defendants, including Silver Strand Plaza (not a nominal defendant). The defendants shall jointly and severally receive nothing from me. ($0.00).

This offer is a huge concession on my part, as the defamation per se claims alone are potentially worth millions. The offer to purchase my shares authored by the Stern & Goldberg firm attorney, Ellis Stern, was approximately $218,000 and the actual value of my shares was at least $1,400,000. Each member was willing to rip me off for at least $1,182,000. Punitive damages on the breach of contract claims, which show the defendants were malicious, will probably be at least $1,182,000 per member.

Thank you for your consideration,

Laura Hammett